I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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