I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
