you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize