it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
