The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
