Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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