Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
