She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
