I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
