I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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