Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
