I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
