Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
