upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
