your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
