Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So I just went to clothing optional bar
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize