Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
