Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
