i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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