How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
