I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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