Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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