I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Randomize
