took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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