is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
