dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
