but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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