great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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