So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
