I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Randomize
