You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
