life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Come share oat with me in your robe
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize