I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
