I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
it's like iHOP with fire
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
