i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
