break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
barbara walters just said penis...
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
