Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
