He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
