No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
