apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
