Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
