Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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