You're my little dorito
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
