something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
