last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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