She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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