names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
