Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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