Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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