We named our party play list daddy issues
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize