omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
