Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
