Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
