didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
