Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
