just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
