new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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