I molested 6 butterflies tonight
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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