Your dad touched me again.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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