well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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