We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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