Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
