all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
