the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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