Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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