I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
