its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
