Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
