Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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