she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
