The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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