So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
