I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
