how can u be prego again
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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