just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
