Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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