Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
