You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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