Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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