sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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