thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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