i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
