so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
