In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
