somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
