So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
