Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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