Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize