I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
