dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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