Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
