I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
