I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
