return my video game
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She needs sedatives and a leash
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
