Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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