it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
