I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
