I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize