please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I think I sprained my soul last night
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
