You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
