her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize