you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
