Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
